oh, the guilt. guilt, guilt, guilt. as if mothers don't carry the weight of guilt enough already (was i too harsh just then? am i being too lenient? is that one comment i just made in a bout of impatience going to result in years of therapy for my children in their adulthood?) i'm under the extra burden of blogging guilt. i'm just not on here often enough. i have stories to share, and memories to document, but just no time to do it. and to make matters worse, almost on a daily basis the kids will mention this site. "mommy, you HAVE to put that in the blog!" or, "remember when i said that funny thing and ..." before proceeding to retell a story that they cannot possibly remember because they were so young, but at this point feel like they do remember it because they've read the story so often in our blog books. which brings up yet another area of guilt -- i haven't yet even started on the 2013 blog book, and we're staring down the finish line of 2014.
guilt, guilt, guilt.
so i have a few goals at this point. one, i'm going to play catch-up when i can ... i'll soon get around to posting pictures of our family beach reunion from over two months ago; i'll soon share the endearing story of susanna and her first venture as a playwright from back during our snow days in january. and then i'll also just post snippets. no need for pages upon pages of anecdotes; no need for the story to even necessarily have a POINT. i just need to put fingers to keyboard and get the words to screen before i forget these events even happened.
i sit here, with a rare window of time at the laptop when i'm caught up on work and have silence around me ... at the great wolf lodge, of all places. i've brought the kids here for a quick mini-vacation during fall break (pictures to follow, i promise myself) and they are out cavorting all over the resort together with their magic wand in hand, tackling the Shadow Quest thing that i don't understand and probably never will because they actually sent me back to the room last night so they could do it themselves. together, of course. always together. which brings me to my story.
a few nights ago i was tucking liam into bed, having read a bit together and finished saying our prayers. chris was across the hall in susanna's room doing the same thing. and right after i kissed him goodnight and had reached the door, he says, "mommy? i have a question," which is of course one of the oldest stall tactics in the book.
"yes?" i sighed(inwardly, i hoped.)
"well, susanna and i actually both have this question. we were talking about it the other day and have been meaning to ask you or daddy ..."
"yes, honey, what is it?" i replied, wanting to turn off the light, as we were yet again way past bedtime.
"why can't we get married to each other?" he looked at me. "i mean, we like the same things and always want to spend time together. it just seems like it makes sense. but i know that law says that siblings aren't allowed and so we were just wondering."
and after a brief explanation that skirted around the real reasons, i turned off the light and closed the door, eager to share the story with chris. because i may have guilt about oh so many things, but somehow we are raising a brother and sister who truly, truly love each other.
and i have absolutely no guilt about that.
