the mann family: a quite wordy wednesday

so here's the situation: i'm sitting downstairs, by myself, in a quiet house when everyone else is asleep. i'm at the computer (where i always am these days, trudging through work) and i begin to hear noises outside. i try to convince myself that it's just leaves rustling in the yard, and not some masked escaped convict prowling around the place, ready to murder me. i start to ponder strategies: do i scream? do i make a mad dash to the kitchen to grab a steak knife? are the steak knives in the drawer, or all still sitting in the unloaded dishwasher? would a paring knife be a better choice? or perhaps a pair of scissors that happen to be next to me at my desk ... or a nail file ... and then i begin to think back on the self-defense class i took in college to satisfy my p.e. requirement. i wonder where the white karate-like robe i had to buy for that class wound up, fifteen years later.

then i hear noises that are even closer, snap out of my reverie, and finally stand up and peek over the window that overlooks my desk. and there, directly on the other side of the window -- literally three feet away from me, with merely a brick wall separating us -- is the nastiest raccoon i've ever laid eyes on. and not only is he nasty, but he is FAT. and why is he fat? because he's perched in the middle of super's bowl, chowing down on the dog food she left behind after dinner, which i'm starting to realize has been going on for months now by the looks of his size XXL behind.

i'd like to say that i was brave and took care of the problem myself. instead, i somehow ran upstairs with my toes curled in my slippers, aroused my poor husband out of a deep sleep, and made him take care of the thing. which he did simply by flashing the porch light and rattling the door knob a few times. (my hero.)

but that vile creature didn't sprint off the porch. no, he just kind of casually glanced up at us, hauled his fat hiney out of the bowl, and sauntered out through the ripped screen on the porch door. (chris must have repaired that thing a dozen times, and always, within twenty-four hours it's back to being ripped again. we've been blaming super all this time. falsely accused AND robbed of her food to boot -- poor pooch.) i'm surprised the raccoon could squeeze his body through the slats after gorging himself on the iams, but he did, and then had the audacity to linger on the steps, obviously waiting for us to leave him alone so he could return to the scene of the crime and lick the bowl clean.

anyway, rather than focus on this disgusting chain of events, i'll choose to share pictures of our recent family outing to a pumpkin farm. you'll see that the farm has added tons of things to do, from slingshots to cornhole to zip lines to tractor rides. we had so much fun; so, you see? there are even more things that i like about halloween than just the steady supply of candy.

come to think of it, i better make sure there isn't any candy sitting on the back porch. with the dog food, the raccoon's a nuisance. but if that thing were to get into my butterfingers, well, i might just have to go buy myself a rifle and become the redneck woman i was born to be. no one messes with my the kids' chocolate.