it's like winning the lottery

yesterday, one of the most miraculous things happened.  but i can't just tell you what it was right off the bat, of course.  i have to tell you the full story.  it's a little long.  but i haven't been blogging much recently so i'm hoping you might have the time to listen.

liam has always been a kid who has not fit the mold of traditional education, for a variety of reasons.  when he was young -- meaning, starting preschool young -- he didn't fit the mold for the two year old class that he joined.  his classmates were verbal, able to sing simple songs and request what they wanted and repeat short blessings before snack time.  liam, on the other hand, was not verbal.  he wasn't able to sing simple songs, wasn't able to request what he wanted, and wasn't able to repeat short blessings before snack time.  instead, he sat silently as he observed all the going-ons around him.  still, we kept him enrolled in his preschool class that year for the exposure, and had him repeat the 2's while he received intensive speech therapy in the afternoons to try to catch him up.  (that's actually a little funny when you think about it -- our son sort of flunked his two-year old preschool class.)

he did catch up.  it took almost six years and hundreds of sessions of speech therapy, but he did catch up.  i'm happy to say that he graduated from preschool with flying colors.  (and by then, he could even SAY his colors.)

then he started kindergarten.  within a week, i was called to the school to meet with his teacher and the principal.  "liam's exceptionally advanced," they told me, which i had sort of suspected but really didn't know because he's my first child and i didn't have a clue what most kindergartners could do.  "we can't accommodate his math needs in his regular classroom, so we're proposing that he start attending a first grade class for math an hour a day."  and so, for the remainder of his kindergarten year, and all of his first grade year, and now his second grade year, he's been responsible for checking his watch, departing quietly from his classroom, and walking by himself to another classroom with older kids so that his math needs can be met.

funny how life works.  he was the farthest behind.  and now he's one of the farthest ahead, at least in math.  on both ends of the spectrum i have felt the anguish that only a parent can feel.  and at either end, you want so badly to know just what your child needs for him to be the most successful, and then be able to provide that very thing.

we've been extremely happy at his elementary school.  they have bent over backwards to meet his needs, and i truly believe that every teacher he's had (and there have been many in the three years he's been there) has done her very best to make sure he's thriving.  but the fact is, he's going to eventually run out of math to take.  and i just keep having the nagging feeling that he could be challenged more.

i think it's always healthy to know what other kinds of opportunities are out there, and we are blessed to live in the largest school system in the state with plenty of options.  there are over 100 elementary schools, some of which run on a traditional calendar and many that are year-round.  there are magnet schools with specialized programs that run the gamut, from engineering to leadership to spanish immersion to technology to arts & sciences to museums to international baccalaureate.  there are private schools and religious schools and a huge home schooling community.  and there are charter schools.

i have a limited understanding of charter schools, but i do know that they are not part of our public school system.  they are funded with taxpayer money, but only partially.  and they are hugely desirable here; so popular that the only way to obtain one of the coveted spots is by entering a lottery.  and i mean a real-life lottery -- they actually pull numbers out of a hopper.  there is nothing you can do to increase your odds.  and your only shot at getting in is in the lowest grade of the school, because no one ever leaves, and if someone does move, siblings are given priority.

so i began exploring options a few years ago, when i first realized that liam had such specialized academic needs, and learned about this truly phenomenal charter school in raleigh that served grades 3-8.  it's a school with highly motivated learners in classes that don't exceed 16 students.  the teachers are all passionate about what they do, and every parent has to commit to a certain amount of volunteer hours a month.  the long-range plan is for every middle schooler to have his own iPad, and a sizable portion of their 8th graders take geometry, which is a rarity in most schools.  (leave it to me to look that far ahead.)  they do these amazing projects and take amazing field trips and every student is constantly challenged to exceed their expectations.  everything i heard or read about this school confirmed to me that liam was tailor-made for it.  or it was tailor-made for liam.  regardless, i just knew he needed to be there.  i have watched as a few friends over the years have gotten their children in and counted down the days til liam was old enough for us to apply.  and this year, finally, we could. 

so we applied, along with 332 other families in raleigh.  for 30 openings.  (siblings of current students are guaranteed spots, which accounted for half of the rising third grade class.)  for all you non-math folks out there, that's a ... drum roll please ... 9% chance of getting in.

so i didn't tell liam about it.  i never mentioned the school name to him, never let on that we were even considering moving him next year.  because, really, what was the point?  why get his hopes up?  or, likewise, why even put the seed in his head that there might be a school better suited for him than where he happily is now?  when the index card arrived in the mail with his lottery numbers on it, i turned it face-down before i pinned it to the bulletin board above my computer in the office so he wouldn't see it.  (on the back, i jotted down the lottery numbers of the 12 or so friends i had who also applied.  that way, when the lottery results were posted, i would know who got in without having to bother calling them.)

all 3rd grade applicants had an A following their number, while the applicants for the waiting lists for the higher grades had different letters

the lottery was monday afternoon.  and as crazy as it sounds, all day i couldn't eat.  my stomach was in knots.  i had convinced myself that he wasn't going to get in, but still, no matter how much you prepare yourself for the worst, there's always that small glimmer of hope in the back of your mind that it might actually happen.  i kept checking the clock for the time, completely distracted while attempting to do anything productive.  but then, right around the time i knew it was going to be posted, i decided i couldn't look.  i turned off my cell phone so i wouldn't be bombarded with texts.  i took susanna to ballet and came home and still, i waited.  i was in constant communication with God that whole day.  for peace.  for understanding.  for the grace i would need to be excited for the others who did get in when we did not.

finally, i felt ready.  i sat down at the computer and clicked on the link.  in those brief seconds that the page loaded, i said one last prayer, as i have said for years now, that God's will be done.  i might think that i know the best school for liam.  but only God knows for sure.  i would be at peace with the outcome no matter what.

and then the page loaded.

i won't go into my reaction, as it borders on being is quite melodramatic.  but the number is there.  little old 166A in the middle of the right column.  the 22nd number pulled, apparently.  liam will be a magellan mariner until he heads off to high school.  susanna will follow him next year.

it was like winning the lottery.  oh, wait -- i should correct that.

it IS winning the lottery.