sweet sounds

last sunday we filed into the piano studio -- liam, chris, me, chris's parents, and my mom (my dad was out of town) -- behind susanna, dressed in her sunday finest, for her very first recital.  she began taking lessons at the start of the school year and this was her first performance of any kind; it was an official Big Deal.  we sat down and immediately looked at the program, which would let us know where she fell in the lineup.  or, should i say i where we fell in the order.  for i, too, was playing.

ms. debra, her teacher, had asked me a month or so ago if i might like to join susanna in a duet.  "i just love to have parents participate in these recitals!" she explained.  "i always have quite a few who do it, and the kids get such a kick out of it too."  so of course i agreed -- i mean, what else could i do, with susanna looking expectantly at me with her hands holding the sheet music for "rocky top"?  (and seriously, who could possibly turn down "rocky top"?)

so imagine my surprise when i scanned the program and realized that there actually weren't "quite a few" parents playing duets.  in fact, as my eyes double- and triple-checked the list, i realized there was only one.  me.  i groaned inwardly, but smiled brightly at susanna when i pointed out that she was lucky to be one of the first four students in the lineup -- she got to play her solo piece, and then i would join her, and then she'd be done and could enjoy the rest of the recital without having to battle nerves.  she nodded almost absent-mindedly, her thoughts obviously on the task ahead.

liam, chris, and i made small talk with the people around us in quiet tones as we waited for the show to begin.  and then, as soon as ms. debra took the stage to welcome everyone, liam nudged me and gestured toward susanna.  i turned to find her silently crying -- big tears rolling down that soft face of hers.  and i knew immediately she must be scared out of her mind.

"sweetheart, don't be nervous!" i whispered to her, which surely has to be the most effective advice a parent can give a child.  "you're going to do great!  and if you mess up, you can just keep going and i bet you no one will even know."

she shook her head.  "i'm not worried about playing.  playing is easy," she whispered back.  she took chris's handkerchief and dabbed her eyes.  "i just don't want to have to say my name."

this, still?  i thought.  all she had to do was pause on her way up to the piano, say "my name is susanna mann, and i will be playing 'sweet sounds' by cynthia clark."  nothing elaborate, no hard words to pronounce.  and yet, she had confided in me weeks ago that she was terrified.  so we practiced and practiced, and even decided that i would be the one to introduce our duet piece, which would cut her speaking responsibility in half.  so i figured it was behind us.  but apparently not, for there she was, frozen in fear.  there was absolutely no way she was going to get up there and perform in her current state.

i thought for like half a second before coming up with an alternate plan.  i leaned down close to her and whispered, "why don't we switch up the order?  we'll go up together and i'll introduce ourselves before we play 'rocky top', and then on my way back to my seat i'll also announce the title of your solo piece.  does that sound good?"

the tears stopped, and then a huge smile spread on her face.  "yes," she replied, visibly relaxing, the weight of the world off her shoulders for the first time since arriving.  and when our time came, she played beautifully.  she was perfect.

so some might call me an enabler ... or an indulgent parent ... or an overly protective momma.  and i guess maybe i am.  but one thing i definitely was that evening was the only parent participant in ms. debra's piano recital.  which turned out to be a pretty good thing after all.

the second verse of "rocky top" (want to hear the first verse? just play the video again)

susanna's solo piece, "sweet sounds" -- aptly named, i think