susanna sure knows how to take her time while eating. there are many explanations for the grazing-like behavior she exhibits at the kitchen table: she gets distracted; she talks too much; she chews slowly; she counts the bites on her plate. and often it's that she really wants dessert but knows that she must try all of her food first, and she hopes that if she sits there for long enough, either i will be so senile in my old age that i'll just give her the bowl of ice cream she's craving, or i'll have to acknolwedge that in a battle of wills, she has the perseverance to outlast me any day of the week. who knows. but as much as i enjoy our weekday lunches together, after about thirty minutes i've hit my limit and will often vacate the room to tackle other projects.
last monday was one of those days. i'd placed her plate in front of her at about 12:30, and had joined her as we talked about her morning at preschool. by 1:00, i'd finished my sandwich, put all the food back in the fridge, cleaned the counters, and loaded the dishwasher. and yet, there she sat, humming some song to herself without a care in the world. so i told her i would be upstairs folding laundry.
ten more minutes went by, and as i put away the final pairs of socks in liam's drawer, i heard her voice at maximum volume wafting up the stairs. "MOMMY!" she yelled, and then continued yelling something else that i couldn't make out.
i probably couldn't make it out because i was so focused on the sheer rudeness of my four-year old daughter. since when does she think it's acceptable to scream at me from across the house? i wondered. chris and i have always been serious about teaching our kids manners; i know we must seem like nazis to some people (i think my new york city cousin's jaw dropped the first time liam said "yes ma'am" to her) but that's just the way we've always done things. most of it's just basic common courtesy, not only with adults but peers as well: they don't interrupt a conversation unless it really can't wait, and only then with an "excuse me"; they reply with a "yes?" instead of "what?" when they hear their name; they say "please" and "thank you" without being prompted. and right along with all the others i mentioned is the fact that polite people -- adults and children alike -- do not scream at each other. if the person you're speaking to is out of earshot, well then you better get your little feet moving.
so i ignored her, figuring that if she got no response, she'd have no choice but to get out of her chair and find me. instead, i heard it again, this time even louder. "MOMMMMYYYYYY!" and then, again, something i couldn't quite hear.
i bristled. one more time, i thought. i'll let her do it one more time before i react. and then i heard her again.
i marched halfway down the stairs and said, "susanna, you know you are not supposed to yell. i'm upstairs. if you have something to say and i'm not nearby, you need to come find me and say it to me instead of screaming."
finally, it clicked. i heard her push back her chair, climb up the stairs, and make her way down the hall. when she approached me, i said, "well hello, susanna! i'm so glad to see you. now, what is it that is so important?"
"i needed to ask you something," she said.
"i see," i replied. "and what is it, that you felt compelled to remain in your chair and yell?"
she smiled sweetly. "may i please be excused?"
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