euphemisms

call me crazy, but i just don’t seem to find bodily functions as titillating as the elementary school-and-under set. so years ago, we introduced the word “toot” as an acceptable term for, um, passing gas. (ugh.  i hate even typing that phrase.) it’s served our family well, i guess, since we have plenty of opportunities to employ this euphemism with a boxer in our midst.  (i must hear, "ewwwww -- super tooted!" five times a day.)

but i recently realized that we might have been better off going in a different direction. one morning as we waited for our neighbor to pick up liam for school, i told him that that evening i was going to be working with a high school math student who needed some extra help. i thought nothing of it until the topic came up again over our afternoon snacks. susanna had asked me why my big algebra I teacher’s edition was out on the kitchen counter, so i told her i was leaving after supper to go tutor.

“what’s ‘tutor’ mean?” she asked.

liam jumped in, always eager to educate his sister. “oh, that’s when mommy goes to help out a high school student,” liam explained. “she teaches him how to toot.”

there was a pause … and then we all three erupted into laughter, and i was loudest of all. the kids just found the topic hilarious, but i just couldn’t get the image out of my head. that's what liam has thought i've been doing all these years?! oh.  my.  gosh.

so, yeah.  scratch what i said earlier.  i guess there will always be something inherently funny about bodily functions -- no matter how old you are.