a way with words

one of the best ways to become aware of a special talent one of your children has is when that special talent comes up in a conversation among adult friends at dinner.  one recent saturday chris and i joined three other couples at a restaurant, and while we did discuss non-child-related topics, the talk turned, inevitably, to our kids.  the most surprising thing we wound up chatting about?  susanna's unique letter writing ability.

susanna sent out her birthday party thank you notes within the last few weeks, and it seems that how she expressed her gratitude made a lasting memory on the recipients (and their mothers.)  meg and her daughter polly learned that their book store gift card was quite the windfall to susanna.  meg said that susanna's exact wording was, "$15.00 is, like, a TON OF MONEY!"  (so not only can i not get her to stop saying "like", she apparently likes to use it in her writing as well.  the all-caps and underlining were also all her.)  amy couldn't remember lily's card verbatim, but reported that it was along the lines of  "i would normally explain in this note how much i've used the shrinky dinks you gave me, but of course you saw them yourself when we went to the beach so i don't have to." 

i realized, after hearing these stories, that i probably should at least glance at these gems before sealing them in their envelopes and sticking them in the mailbox.  with her tendency towards brutal honesty when armed with a pencil and stationery, who knows what she might write?  and what a timely lesson this turned out to be.

our dear friends the basses recently lost their fourteen-year old dog holly, and i bought a condolences card to send them.  chris, liam, and i all wrote heartfelt messages of sorrow and sympathy, having just been through a similar loss with our own pooch back in the fall.  susanna was the last to sign it, but  seemed stumped as to what to say.  she looked up at me and asked what had happened.  "it was really similar to super," i explained.  "holly just got really old and sick, so they had to put her down."  she nodded with understanding and turned back to the task at hand.

but before i slid the card in its envelope to lick it shut, i knew, this time, to read it.  and i immediately wished i hadn't.  

in case it's hard to read:  "Dear Basses, I heard that your dog passed away.  It must have been very hard to let the doter [doctor] kill her.  I bet know you miss her very much.  Love, Susanna"

i was horrified.  should i have her erase it?  oh wait -- she wrote in ink.  should i have her add on something a bit more sentimental?  should i buy another card?  should i apologize on the envelope, to soften the blow before they opened it?  ultimately, i just decided to give it to lainey in person when we saw each other at book club, with a warning for when she brought it home to read it.  i figured that the basses are susanna's godparents; they have to love her whether she has any sense of tact or not.    

i got an email from lainey later that evening.  "Thank you for your sweet card!  I laughed out loud when I read Susanna's sentiments : ) Don't know that I've ever laughed while reading a sympathy card!  It was just the medicine I needed."  in fact, when i told her that i might mention it in a blog post, it was she who took the picture of the card for me to use.  weeks after the fact, and they've hung onto this literary treasure; it still brings a smile to their faces. 

so maybe susanna knows what she's doing after all.

when losing is actually winning

liam and i headed down to myrtle beach for a soccer tournament at the end of april (while chris and susanna headed to the north carolina coast for a Y princess weekend) with grand hopes of winning the whole thing.  his team were seasoned veterans at this point, chock-full of talent with their eyes on the prize.  to further intimidate their opponents, this is how the entire gunners roster looked heading into the first game:

(the lighting isn't great, but it he has a bright blue streak in his hair)

so there they were, pumped up, adrenaline flowing ... and they lost.  it was close, but they lost.  and they were devastated.  a few of the dads walked them through the possible scenarios -- it was a round-robin format, so they actually still had a chance of winning the tournament IF they won the rest of the games and IF team that just beat them lost and IF their goal differential was larger, yadda yadda yadda.  i sort of tuned it out while we moms tried to come up with a game plan to lift their spirits.

and what better way to do that than a round of putt-putt?

one of the best mini golf courses we've visited ... 

and with an enthusiast like liam, we've seen quite a few

and then we headed to lunch, undoubtedly scaring off any poor patrons who happened to be out on the deck with our large group.

we returned to our gorgeous (and expensive) hotel for some down time, per the coach's instructions.  he wanted them well-rested before taking on their second game, where they'd hopefully win and put themselves in possible contention for the overall prize.  we all looked out of the windows sort of longingly at the beach and glittering pool below, frustrated that they were right there and we couldn't enjoy them.  ("absolutely no swimming," the coach jordan reminded them.  "it wears out your legs too much and we need all the energy we can get for this next round."  whatever, dude.)  and if we won that second game, then i knew we'd be pulling out of the parking lot at a totally unreasonable hour of the morning on sunday morning for the championship round.  "how was the beach?" people would ask after we returned home.  "i have no idea," i'd reply.  "but it looked nice from our 15th story window."

but my dream came true: their second game wound up in a hard-fought tie.  and while the more competitive folks in our group were disappointed, i was secretly pumped.  we'd actually be able to take advantage of all our resort had to offer.  no crack-of-dawn sunday departure; no required avoidance of the pool or beach.  the boys might have to play the consolation round with slightly more fatigued legs than had we skipped swimming, but really, who cared at that point?

the saying goes that winning isn't everything, which is true, of course.  but i'd like to add a new saying to the list: sometimes losing is winning too.  for while we never won a game that weekend (winding up with that one close loss and two ties), we certainly were victorious in many other ways.

the blissful face of a non-winner

who needs a bahamian cruise after all?

*note: i'm playing major catch-up now that it's summer and i have a moment to breathe.  below is the recap of our spring break trip from 2 1/2 months ago.  i started it soon after we returned, and then it sat in the drafts folder ever since.

"so, when do we leave for the bahamas?" susanna asked me one day a few weeks back.

i looked at her, feeling like i had been somehow transported back in time to a year ago when we actually were going to the bahamas.  "i'm not sure what you mean, sweetheart," i replied.

"well, spring break is coming up soon.  aren't we going back to the bahamas?  isn't that our spring break trip now?"

i had to laugh.  and then i had to let her down.  "i'm sorry, but we just can't do the bahamas every year," i explained.  "but you are in for a treat!  because we're going somewhere just as great -- williamsburg, virginia!"

but you want to know what's crazy?  fast forward to the end of our trip.  as we were gathering all of our bags to get into the car to drive home, both liam and susanna -- i kid you not -- declared williamsburg to be just about as fun as the bahamas were.  "if the bahamas were a perfect 100," susanna mused, "i think williamsburg was like a 99."

note to self: we can save a whole bunch of money armed with this revelation ...

 busch gardens.  39 degrees and pouring for most of the day.  the upside?  no lines

we stayed with dear friends from our asheville days, the hunts, who relocated to williamsburg shortly after we moved to raleigh.  jill (age 6) hit it off with susanna ...

... and liam and reagan (3 weeks his senior) were fast friends too

we opted for inside dining for lunch, complete with a show and really good beer

next day: colonial williamsburg, under thankfully sunny skies.   i kept waiting for the whining to commence because i know that's what i would have been doing at their ages (sorry, mom & daddy).  there was a ton of walking (in fact, chris's pedometer clocked in at over four miles) and educational, historical components to the day.  but they never once complained, even finding joy in trying on hats

 

their crime? being so stinkin' cute

our final destination: great wolf lodge.  such a huge hit that i foresee another trip in our future

practicing his jump shot ...

and his boogie-boarding skills  (we won't focus on the fact that he's supposed to be surfing)

susanna indulged us with one ride down one of the big water slides (a daredevil she is not) ... and then it was all about floating along the lazy river in a tube the rest of the time

the only time the kids bickered the entire trip was when we determined who got the top bunk in our cabing-themed great wolf lodge room for the one night we stayed there.  susanna won this time ... but we promised liam that he would prevail on our next visit.  (let this blog serve as a reminder, please)

how liam does putt-putt (notice the correct stance and grip)

how susanna does putt-putt (what? bending down to blow your ball into the hole isn't correct stance and grip?) 

and i've saved the best for last: MagiQuest.  imagine two children working together with a (borrowed) special wand to solve riddles and hunt down clues for HOURS and HOURS all over the hotel.  if only they had one of these in the bahamas ...

the birthday girl

discussions surrounding susanna's 8th birthday party began as long as four months ago.  "i want to have all my friends over for a sleepover!" susanna explained.  which sounded fine, until i asked her to come up with a list of people she'd like to invite.  when it topped twenty, i thought it might be best to steer her in another direction.  (twenty 8-year old girls in our house is not for the faint of heart.  and i guess i'm faint of heart.)  so when we realized that the "got to be NC" festival would be at the fairgrounds the weekend of her big day, we switched gears and asked four of her closest friends to join us.  out of the seventeen kid birthdays we've celebrated (seventeen!  that just freaked me out a bit), i have to say that it was one of the best parties we've held.

but wait! as they say in those infomercials.  there's more!  on her actual birthday, we treated her to lunch and frozen yogurt with another good friend, and to top it all off, we continued our tradition of having dinner at red robin with yet another bestie.  add all that to her celebration at school and church, and my goodness, it was a birthday fit for a queen.  or a north carolina princess -- take your pick.

 the group: lily, addison, susanna, anna, & kate

we soaked in the north carolina charm (which is, of course, the whole point of the "got to be NC" festival).  first up, watching a farmer milk a goat ...

... and then celebrating all things cow

 we enjoyed free popsicles ...

... and sampled some locally-made lip balm ...

... and learned all about woodworking

and then, having thoroughly educated all five girls on all aspects of tarheel living, it was on to the rides!

rapt attention back at home for the unwrapping of the presents

frozen yogurt with eliza on the actual day

and as if she hadn't already consumed her weight in sugar, we topped it off with a sundae and a waiter serenade at red robin with polly

to conclude, a walk down memory lane: at the left, polly & susanna (& liam) for her 5th birthday; at the right, for her 8th.  who needs a measuring stick when you have the red robin door handles to gauge your height?

sweet sounds

last sunday we filed into the piano studio -- liam, chris, me, chris's parents, and my mom (my dad was out of town) -- behind susanna, dressed in her sunday finest, for her very first recital.  she began taking lessons at the start of the school year and this was her first performance of any kind; it was an official Big Deal.  we sat down and immediately looked at the program, which would let us know where she fell in the lineup.  or, should i say i where we fell in the order.  for i, too, was playing.

ms. debra, her teacher, had asked me a month or so ago if i might like to join susanna in a duet.  "i just love to have parents participate in these recitals!" she explained.  "i always have quite a few who do it, and the kids get such a kick out of it too."  so of course i agreed -- i mean, what else could i do, with susanna looking expectantly at me with her hands holding the sheet music for "rocky top"?  (and seriously, who could possibly turn down "rocky top"?)

so imagine my surprise when i scanned the program and realized that there actually weren't "quite a few" parents playing duets.  in fact, as my eyes double- and triple-checked the list, i realized there was only one.  me.  i groaned inwardly, but smiled brightly at susanna when i pointed out that she was lucky to be one of the first four students in the lineup -- she got to play her solo piece, and then i would join her, and then she'd be done and could enjoy the rest of the recital without having to battle nerves.  she nodded almost absent-mindedly, her thoughts obviously on the task ahead.

liam, chris, and i made small talk with the people around us in quiet tones as we waited for the show to begin.  and then, as soon as ms. debra took the stage to welcome everyone, liam nudged me and gestured toward susanna.  i turned to find her silently crying -- big tears rolling down that soft face of hers.  and i knew immediately she must be scared out of her mind.

"sweetheart, don't be nervous!" i whispered to her, which surely has to be the most effective advice a parent can give a child.  "you're going to do great!  and if you mess up, you can just keep going and i bet you no one will even know."

she shook her head.  "i'm not worried about playing.  playing is easy," she whispered back.  she took chris's handkerchief and dabbed her eyes.  "i just don't want to have to say my name."

this, still?  i thought.  all she had to do was pause on her way up to the piano, say "my name is susanna mann, and i will be playing 'sweet sounds' by cynthia clark."  nothing elaborate, no hard words to pronounce.  and yet, she had confided in me weeks ago that she was terrified.  so we practiced and practiced, and even decided that i would be the one to introduce our duet piece, which would cut her speaking responsibility in half.  so i figured it was behind us.  but apparently not, for there she was, frozen in fear.  there was absolutely no way she was going to get up there and perform in her current state.

i thought for like half a second before coming up with an alternate plan.  i leaned down close to her and whispered, "why don't we switch up the order?  we'll go up together and i'll introduce ourselves before we play 'rocky top', and then on my way back to my seat i'll also announce the title of your solo piece.  does that sound good?"

the tears stopped, and then a huge smile spread on her face.  "yes," she replied, visibly relaxing, the weight of the world off her shoulders for the first time since arriving.  and when our time came, she played beautifully.  she was perfect.

so some might call me an enabler ... or an indulgent parent ... or an overly protective momma.  and i guess maybe i am.  but one thing i definitely was that evening was the only parent participant in ms. debra's piano recital.  which turned out to be a pretty good thing after all.

the second verse of "rocky top" (want to hear the first verse? just play the video again)

susanna's solo piece, "sweet sounds" -- aptly named, i think

wordless wednesday: second cousins

susanna, laurel, reilly, liam

my cousin kristine called us up last week, thrilled that her beloved wahoos of UVA were playing in the second and third rounds of the NCAA tournament in raleigh.  (her husband jamie also went to med school at duke, who were playing in the PNC arena here as well, but we tarheel fans don't speak of such awful things.)  and a few days later, they, along with their kids reilly and laurel, drove down from charlottesville to join us for the weekend.

we haven't had weekend guests since we renovated the house a few years ago and lost our guest room, so susanna had to give her up her bedroom for a few nights, but she was ecstatic to do so since it meant getting to spend some time with her second-cousins.  reilly is just a few weeks older than she is, and laurel is such a fun four-year old -- and the only other girl of their generation in our extended family.  (we're holding out hope for another girl in a few weeks with both my sister-in-law and sister are due to give birth.)

we had a grand time, not only watching duke lose in the first round (yay!) but watching UVA win both of their games (even better yay!) and showing them all around our hometown.

nothing says we've arrived in raleigh like a giant acorn

 enjoying s'mores over the backyard firepit after dinner one night

two clean machines ... and this is why we got six inches chopped off a few days later

we acted like heathens and skipped church on sunday morning to visit big ed's for a proper southern breakfast

next up was a trip to the marbles children's museum, where reilly and susanna gave the big stationary bus a whirl. it made me so nostalgic -- we used to go there so often that we had a family membership ... but we hadn't darkened the doorway in years

no trip to downtown raleigh is complete without stopping by the original krispy kreme -- complete with a lit-up "hot doughnuts now" sign, natch.  watching those circular mounds of heaven being glazed on the conveyer belt sort of lured all of them into a sugar trance

hair today, gone tomorrow

the very first time liam set foot in his new school last spring, his eyes were drawn to the pictures hanging on the walls of the front lobby at the time.  row after row showcased the dozens of boys who had participated in last year's fundraiser for the st. baldrick's foundation.  each student who participated had both a before and after photo -- the first with long, shaggy hair, and the second with almost no hair at all.  magellan is proud to have raised over a quarter million dollars over the years, which is quite impressive given its small size.

as soon as he learned what it was all about, liam was immediately on board.  he had the date of march 1st imprinted in his brain, and set out to raise money in the weeks leading up to the big day.  and on that cool saturday morning, we convened in downtown raleigh with the rest of the school at a private shaving event before the huge, public event started an hour later.

i couldn't bring myself to watch as his soft blond hair hit the stage, but his four grandparents and chris and susanna were all front and center as spectators.  he apparently beamed the entire time.

it's going to take some getting used to -- even now, a week later, i still find myself scanning the soccer field for him before i suddenly realize he's right in front of me.  and while i have to admit that i'm not a huge fan of this super short buzz cut, i do love to run my hands over his head.

i'm just hoping that that's the last he sees of a razor until next march.

before -- a lot shaggier than normal, for maximum effect

during (when he wasn't being interviewed by the emcee with a microphone)

after!

he's joined the famous wall -- second row from the bottom, second from the left

tarheels born & tarheels bred

oh how we love us some carolina basketball.  even during one of their worst seasons in recent memory, we are still diehard fans.  no, neither chris nor i attended UNC -- but all four of our parents did, and if it weren't for UNC, well, we wouldn't be here.  our allegiance only wavers when the heels play richmond or davidson, which, surprisingly, both happened this season.  and while we love our alma maters, i have to say that with current price tags of $55,000 and $40,000 per year (!) respectively, the in-state tuition at chapel hill is looking more and more appealing.  we figure we're indoctrinating our children young.

here are a few images from our time with the heels over the past few months.

in late december, coach roy williams puts on a clinic as a fundraiser for one of his charities.  kids get to hang out with the team and staff, doing Q&As with the athletes and getting autographs.  that's liam in the front, looking at roy whose arms are up in the air.  (i describe him that way in case you're having trouble finding the 63-year old gray-haired man amongst the crowd)

no paper?  no problem

how cool is that -- to be nine years old and shooting hoops in the dean dome?!

the news & observer did an excellent series on the JV program at UNC, the only one of its kind in the country.  liam was hooked, so i felt compelled to write a note of my appreciation

 the davidson game was a tough one -- what to wear? whom to pull for?  chris decked himself out in black and red, susanna & i stuck with carolina blue (mostly because we had nothing else), and liam was clearly a mann divided

she might not fully understand all the nuances of the game, but the girl sure can show some tarheel energy

stinky

"something stinks," susanna said from the back seat of the car.  "but i don't know what it is."

i inhaled deeply and smelled it too -- but with many more years of experience, i did know what it was.  it was body odor -- emanating from our nine-year old boy, sweaty from basketball practice with wet hair plastered to his head to prove it.  i had been aware of this issue ever since i had to air out his soccer bag after his goalie gloves (which can't be thrown into the washer along with the other gazillion athletic items he owns) remained zipped inside for far too long.  but it wasn't until this car ride home that i finally acknowledged that it wasn't just his equipment ... it was him.

i sighed.  "liam," i said, glancing at his expectant face in the rearview mirror, "i think you need deodorant." 

his sweet face -- no longer that soft, cherubic face of years gone by -- broke out in a huge smile.  "really?  deodorant?"  he paused, letting it sink in.  "awesome."

this is just one of a long list of signs that have hit me smack upside the head recently that he's, well, growing up.  some signs are welcome; some, not so much.  one that's been comforting to witness is his increased sense of place in the world.  i remember driving him and a friend to the tennis courts back in early december, sitting quietly as they had their own five minute conversation about the death of nelson mandela.  "he was a great leader," liam stated in a voice that sounded like it was coming from a person twice his age.  "he changed south africa forever."

on the other end of the spectrum, he's become overly intrigued by forbidden words, pointing out profanity almost gleefully whenever he comes across it.  (you'd be surprised how often "hell" and "damn" can be heard on the radio and television.)  he's eager to test his limits, even asking me from time to time if he can spell one of the words when he's frustrated. (answer: always no.)

and some signs are just fun to see.  he's watched chris amp up his exercise regimen with F3, and is now eager to grow his muscles like his daddy.  "i want to get ripped!" he's exclaimed, quoting a commercial that airs often on ESPN, which is the only network he ever watches.  so chris has shown him how to do a proper push-up, and every night, he'll do a few sets on his bedroom floor, often calling me in to show me how many more he can do over the last time i watched.

as always, wonder is eager to help ... or at least get in the middle of all the action

and then, there's one sign that was the toughest pill to swallow.  "i hope this is okay," he said to me recently, "but i think i want to just call you 'mom' from now on.  i think 'mommy' is sort of baby-ish."  my eyes widened as i tried to conceal my dismay.  "mommy -- i mean mom! -- i'm like the only kid i know who still uses that word.  i need to grow up sometime!"

like a dagger to my heart.

but he's nine years old.  he's entering that stage they now call "tweens", which perfectly sums up where he is with the push/pull on almost every front.  sure, he follows politics and the news, but he'll still talk your ear off about the wii.  bad words intrigue him, but he still thinks that the "f word" is fart.  he'll do all those push-ups, but only if his beloved night-night is next to him.  and the "mom" thing?  to be honest, he forgets it most of the time.

so at least for a little while longer, i'm still mommy.  he still kisses me goodbye when he leaves for school in the morning, and we still curl up in my bed every night and read together.  and his body -- with the faint scent of deodorant and those bulging muscles -- is still small enough to snuggle into my side.

stinky?  nah.  that's pretty darn sweet.

snowpocalypse

never in a million years did i think i'd be following up my last snow post with another snow post only two weeks later.  but that's exactly what's happened -- and this time it was downright frightening.

we again had full knowledge that it was coming; schools closed pre-emptively (which, this time, turned out to be the right call) and i was well-stocked in ingredients for chili, hot chocolate, and wine.  but the ferocity with which it hit surprised everyone.

let me set the stage: susanna, social butterfly that she is, had been invited to two playdates on wednesday as soon as school was cancelled.  she eagerly accepted both, especially since liam had a half-day of school and we both knew she'd be bored out of her mind without him.  i dropped her off at the first with the plan that her friend's mom would then take both girls to the second playdate at 1:00.

i picked up liam from school and then headed out to cary (a mere five miles down the road) to pick up a space heater i had on hold at target.  as we entered the store, the first flakes had begun to fall, to the delight of both of us.  they were big, wet flakes, sticking to our eyelashes and liam's outstretched tongue.

when we emerged from the store a mere ten minutes later (because you can't ever go into target for just one thing, of course) i was stunned.  the pavement wasn't visible.  you could barely see straight ahead of you for the deluge from the sky.  we hurried to the car and my tires started spinning as soon as i put it in reverse to pull out of my spot.

it was then that i started to worry.  i handed liam my phone in the back seat, instructing him to text daddy to get on the road immediately.  i also had him conversing back and forth with all the playdate moms, having him read out their stories of slipping and sliding just trying to go down their driveways.  we progressed at a snail's pace out of the shopping center complex, but all the while i'm explaining to liam -- whose anxiety is mounting by the second -- that once we hit the highway we'd be smooth-sailing.  i fully believed it myself.

but then we got to the ramp ... and it was gridlock.  i gripped the steering wheel tighter, turned off the radio, and wondered how long our normal ten-minute drive was going to take us.  i had liam call chris again to ask what gear i needed to be in (since i'd never driven this car in snow) and turned on both defrosters rear blast to prevent the ice from forming.  and i said many silent prayers as we inched our way home.

an hour later, we made it.  chris's commute took almost three, and ended with him having to abandon his car about a half-mile down the road and trek the rest of the way in his leather dress shoes.  susanna was still stuck at her friend's house (much to her delight), so i trudged there on foot with her snowboots in a backpack, getting our faces pelted by ice on the way back.  but we were home, safe and sound, by late afternoon, watching the sky empty itself -- with more on the way tomorrow.

but we won't be quite as warm and toasty as we could have been.  because that space heater -- you know, the one that was responsible for our nightmare of a drive?  the one that i had on hold at the only target that still had one?  they had sold it -- the last one in stock -- to someone else.

snow joke.

 susanna and her friend kate -- literally the only picture i have of this event (and i didn't even take it).  the entire time i was outside it was either snowing or sleeting and i just didn't want to chance it with my camera phone