mr. sensitivity

oprah has coined the phrase "aha moment" for times when she experiences a revelation.  you know, when all of a sudden, you're struck with a discovery that you'd never noticed before.  for me, these are never earth-shattering; it's not like i figure out the meaning of the universe or anything.  they're more often just simple things where i want to slap my own self up the side of the head because i'd never realized it before.

for example, the bike zing.  i was probably twenty-five years old when i learned that a BIKE XING sign meant "bike crossing".  i had always thought that it signified a bike zing.  you know, the narrow lane on the side of the road for bikes.  i'd always wondered why the DMV person laughed when i was going through the sign portion of the oral test.  (but i always passed, thankyouverymuch.  guess they just thought i was being comical.)  chris will roll his eyes when he reads this and wonder why i'm actually admitting this to people ... but i use this example to show that these "aha moments" for me are sometimes the most blatantly obvious things that for whatever reason, i'd never known before.

anyway, i had one of these "aha moments" yesterday with liam.  he was sitting in my lap in the family room at about 3:30 pm, and we were talking all about his day.  we talked about him buying a jump rope in the school store, what he did in his special math class, and how he enjoyed his lunch since fridays are hot dog days which are the only times he eats from the cafeteria.  and then the conversation turned to what was in his bag for his morning snack. 

as i'd been putting it together the night before, chris walked in from a tennis match and i handed him the napkin and a marker.  i thought it would be fun for him to write liam a cute note as a surprise.  i left the kitchen and when i returned five minutes later, i was amazed to find chris still laboring over the napkin.  i glanced over his shoulder to find this:

so now that you know the background, this is how our conversation went:

me: did you like the silly surprise that you found in your snack bag?

liam: no.

me:  the napkin with the drawing daddy made for you?  we thought you would be so happy to find it!

liam, of all possible reactions he could have, actually begins to cry.

me:  goodness, liam, what is wrong?

liam: i just felt so sad that daddy was losing in our game.  i was beating him by a lot!  that's just horrible for daddy! 

i pause while this sinks in.

me: sweetheart, it's just a drawing.  it didn't really happen.  daddy was just being funny.

liam: but why didn't he draw me playing against someone i don't know?  like a boy named maybe hank or bob or something? 

me (beginning to have my "aha moment"): is this why in all your sports drawings, you're always playing against people who aren't friends or classmates?  because you don't want to be beating them?

liam (tearfully):  yes.  i don't ever want someone i know to lose.  i would feel horrible about that.

AHA.  after months of wondering why his opponents in his millions of sketches had names of people he didn't know, all of a sudden, i got it.  my sweet, kind, sensitive boy didn't want even a depiction of any of his friends having a bad game.  it suddenly made sense.  i don't know how i'd missed that before. 

i so wish that i could keep him like this forever.  unjaded, sensitive to others and their feelings, convinced that everyone wants the best for everyone else.  sadly, we all know that the world just isn't that way.  the only way he'll survive is to develop a thicker skin, toughen up, all those phrases we throw around to mean that basically it's okay to not be as empathetic to others as we should be.  and those are lessons that, as a parent, i can't really teach him.  he'll learn them as he experiences life and continues to grow. 

(so instead, i'll focus on the things that i can teach him.  like, exactly what those signs BIKE XING really mean.)