harry

it can be funny what sticks with you over the years.  there are entire trips i don't remember taking (a side effect of my epilepsy medication, my neurologist theorizes), but then there are simple statements from a decade ago that i remember as clearly as if they were uttered yesterday.  even though some of them might seem less than earth-shattering, i figure that there's got to be some reason why they continue to occupy residence in the depths of my mind.

one of them came hurtling forth this evening as i sat with liam on the couch in the family room.  all of a sudden, i could hear my cousin allison during our annual family beach reunion probably five years ago, saying something that at the time didn't resonate with me whatsoever.  there were probably ten or so of us sitting in a circle on the beach, ranging in age from an infant susanna all the way up to my eighty-year old grandfather.  and at least half of the crowd were hunched over tomes in their laps, tuning out everything around them as they focused singularly on the same text:  the final book in the harry potter series that had just come out at midnight the day before.

and this is what my much-younger cousin alli said:  "i think i want to have kids, just so i can read harry potter with them."

for whatever reason, that statement -- as funny as it was -- has stuck with me.  i didn't really get it at the time.  but tonight, it made total sense.
 
liam and i started reading the first of the harry potter series right around the beginning of january.  and it's kind of become our thing.  chris and susanna have star wars as their mutual love; liam and i now have harry potter.  we read it every night that i'm home, and on the evenings when i'm out, liam has promised that he won't pick it up without me.  (the first few times i actually hid it from him, but by now i actually think he can't imagine reading it by himself.)

fantasy and science fiction is totally not my thing -- but it's not really liam's either.  he would much rather read an encyclopedia or almanac than most fiction, to be honest with you. but we have both become immersed in the world of wizards and witches and hogwarts.  liam will scramble to do his evening chores while i scramble to clean the kitchen after dinner, all to leave us more time for harry.  and we'll curl up either in my bed or on the couch, progressing through each chapter and plot twist before i force myself to stop.

and tonight, we neared the end.  with maybe a dozen pages left, harry defeats the evil voldemort -- the same wizard who killed harry's mother as she tried to protect him -- with a power he didn't know he had and didn't understand how he had it.  he later asks his mentor to explain.

"your mother died to save you," dumbledore replied.  "if there is one thing voldemort cannot understand, it is love.  he didn't understand that love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark.  not a scar, no visible sign; to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever.  it is in your very skin."

i got through the first few words before the lines began to swim on the page.  i paused, swallowed, and tried again.  liam looked up at me, startled.  "what's wrong?"

"it's just that ... well, harry's mommy loved him as much as i love you," i tried to explain through my tears.  "and you'll carry my love with you forever, just like harry does ... " i trailed off.  and then my sweet, sensitive little boy began to cry himself, before nestling even closer to me and kissing my cheek.

and i thought of my cousin's offhand comment all those years ago -- about how she couldn't wait to be a mother just so she could read harry potter her children -- and i smiled at my teary son cuddled up against me.

because now i understand.